Does freezing make you more attractive?

One thing that never fails to bring a wry smile to my face is watching young women on a night out in winter, walking from bar to bar, wearing a slinky summer dress. I feel many things at once when I see them, frustration, empathy, nostalgia. But mostly I want to give them a fabulous warm coat and tell them that it's just not worth it.

Looking hot isn't worth freezing for.

While some may suggest practical reasons for their topsy-turvy styling choice - there's nowhere to put your coat, it's warm once you get inside etc - the truth is, winter clothes conceal the visibility we have been trained to associate with looking hot.

Summer forces visibility. Outfits are stripped back for the purpose of staying cool and more of our skin and bodies are exposed. It's these skin-baring summer styles that we have been conditioned to see as sexy.

It's Kylie spinning around in her gold hotpants and slinky halter top, Carrie Bradshaw running around New York in sky high Manolos and midriff-baring crop tops, it's the mythology of the little black dress.

Skin is seen as sexy.

But who are we baring our skin for? Who is the audience for this slinky all season show?

Our ideas about what makes women attractive have been conditioned from birth. This makes it difficult to recognise or even form opinions on what you find attractive, let alone experiment with them.

But when you do, people get uncomfortable.

In 1999, Julia Roberts was photographed waving to the crowd of enthusiastic fans at the premiere of her film Notting Hill. The media lost their minds because she had revealed unshaven armpits.

Women have hair under their arms. The majority of women in western culture remove their underarm hair because they have been conditioned to believe it's more attractive to do so, not because it actually is.

Step outside the conditioning and you'll cause a scandal.

I saw a reel recently where an influencer was advertising a beautiful wool jumper. It had a wide, deep plunging neckline designed to slip off the shoulder, to which she proclaimed 'knitwear can be sexy too'.

If you want to look sexy, show some skin. Even if it's a wool jumper and it makes absolutely no sense to do so.

These invisible rules are shaping us. 

They shape our appearance, our wardrobe and the way we feel about ourselves. We aren’t getting dressed based on what we like, we’re getting dressed based on what we’ve been taught to like.

This week's embodied style practice

This week I want you to identify one invisible rule you have been following without questioning it.

It may be:

• Body hair is unattractive.
• Ageing makes women less attractive.
• Showing skin is what makes an outfit sexy.
• You have to be thin to be attractive.

Whatever rule comes to mind first. Then ask yourself, how would I feel, what choices would I make and what would I wear if this rule wasn't true. Watch what thoughts and feelings come up. Sit with them.

Wearing a slinky summer outfit in the middle of winter doesn't make you attractive, it makes you young. Sweetly, beautifully, frustratingly young.

Attractiveness doesn't come from being thin, shaving your armpits or showing skin, it comes from being yourself on purpose. That takes wisdom, experience and courage. And the beauty of that show? There is only one member of the audience you need to impress. You.

Julie x

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