The F-word threatening your style

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there lived an evil sorcerer. Unlike other sorcerers who protected the land, this one only wanted one thing - to steal your style. 

This evil entity is known as The Frump.

The Frump is feared.

And with good reason.

It creeps up on you slowly, without warning. One day you look in the mirror and there it is staring back at you. 

Around mid-life, a combination of things happen that cause significant style confusion. Body changes, weight gain, hormonal fluctuations, increased responsibilities and lifestyle changes all mix together forming a potent cocktail that wreaks havoc on your wardrobe. 

It also shifts your identity.

Just like Alice falling down the rabbit-hole, nothing fits like it used to.

It’s not just your favourite clothes pulling and grabbing that makes you uncomfortable, it’s that your former self no longer seems to fit either. 

Abracadabra alakazam.

Just like that, you’re someone else.

The transition is very disorienting.

To deal with this, your nervous system starts optimising for safety and comfort rather than visibility and expression. Suddenly you’re asking yourself questions like ‘Is this age appropriate?’ ’Can I pull this off?’ ’Am I too old for this?’. 

You retreat to safe outfits that don’t attract too much attention and you wear them on repeat. Functional comfort becomes the primary brief. Your wardrobe starts to feel like a risk management system rather than the creative playground it used to be.

Western culture convinces women that their beauty and vitality cease to exist after they turn 40. Like Cinderella when the clock strikes midnight, your dress turns to rags, your coach becomes a pumpkin and your horses turn into mice.

So when the midlife transition appears, we retreat. Fleeing like Cinderella at midnight.

You stay hidden, making do with clothes that are functional but not fun, comfortable but not expressive, and over time you lose your confidence, you lose yourself.

As someone who works from home, I am the first to admit to the blissful comfort of track pants and ugg boots. There are days where I can’t see the point in doing my hair. Last week, before getting on a work call, I looked in the mirror and laughed out loud. My sloppy clothes and wild hair felt funny in the moment, but over time it chips away at your sense of self.

Frumpy isn't an aesthetic, it’s not a particular style of clothing for a particular type of woman. It's what happens when your clothes stop communicating who you are. 

The opposite of frumpy isn't stylish, it’s not polished or put together. 

It's vital. 

Expressing your vitality isn't about being young, thin, beautiful or on trend. It is about expressing yourself. Your uniqueness, your personality, your values, your own brand of fabulous.

This week's embodied style practice

This week I want you to reflect on where you’re at with your style. Don’t judge yourself for it, just gently acknowledge where you’re at. 

Maybe you feel completely lost in the midst of the identity change, perhaps you’re emerging from the fog and are finding your way, perhaps you can feel your confidence returning after years in the abyss. Wherever you are, take a moment to meet yourself there.

This transition is completely normal. It doesn’t feel comfortable but growth and change rarely do. You are meeting a new version of yourself and that is disorienting. 

It is also extremely exciting.

Take a moment and identify one thing that has become a style non-negotiable. Is it the way fabric feels against your skin? Has comfort become key? Are you needing colour? Identify one thing that is a top priority.  

When you are getting dressed, see if you can expand on this one thing. If it’s comfort, what is one small thing you can do to elevate it to creative comfort? Cool sneakers? Fabulous socks? A gorgeous soft, cosy jacket? If it’s wearing colour, can you try a new colour combination, step back from black, add coloured accessories? Explore the potential of your number one style non-negotiable. Lean into it.

Your body is different.

Your life is different.

You are different.

Your style just hasn’t caught up.

That’s not a failure, it’s a transition.

Midlife brings with it many challenges, but it also brings great power. You are the queen of your own land, you get to decide the rules.

Julie x