Are your beliefs about your body lies?

For decades I have wished for a defined, angular jawline. It started in the 90s when I fell in love with fashion photography. The incredible images of the era all seemed to highlight the model's strong, defined jawline. I thought it looked so glamourous.

I also believed that a strong jawline made you more photogenic. That these beautiful photographs were possible because the models had this particular facial feature. I have held this belief for 30 years, often wincing if I saw a picture of myself in profile.

We accumulate millions of these beliefs over our lifetime. We carry them around, storing them in the suitcase of our subconscious where they wreak havoc on our self image, body image and self expression.

I had been carrying this belief around for 30 years without ever questioning it, without ever asking if it was true.

Until I did.

When I started to question why I was spending time wishing I was something I wasn't, something wonderful happened. It sounded really silly. Why would I spend time and energy wishing I had a defined jawline when I could spend time and energy falling in love with the one I have? If a belief is just a thought you continue to think, could I just start thinking something else?

So I started to look for evidence.

I looked at old paintings, photographs and women in the street. Their faces weren't a jigsaw puzzle of perfect pieces, they were whole, unique, fascinating, beautiful. They were also wildly and perfectly different.

I asked myself, what if a defined jawline isn't the only way of looking beautiful? What if my own, soft, undefined jawline was beautiful too? Could I celebrate my face, exactly as it was?

That question brought up a memory. Around 10 years ago I was having lunch with some girlfriends when the conversation turned to beauty. I suggested we each take turns identifying something we loved about our bodies.

It was a fascinating exercise that emphasised a painful truth.

Women are brutally conditioned to hate their bodies in western culture. Conditioned to pick them apart, to wish for them to be different, to be at war with them. To judge them against each other and in line with the standard of the day.

We are not encouraged to love our bodies out loud. To talk about how beautifully unique we are. How each part of us works together to create the wonderful whole.

My lunchtime beauty experiment highlighted the painful reality of women's relationship with their bodies, but it also created a crack in the conditioning.

After we had each had a turn, the energy got a little bit buzzy. It felt like we were doing something illegal, like the private was becoming public.

We decided to do it again, so we each identified a second thing we loved about our bodies. During the second round things got more real. We went from a tentative first round of 'my smile''my hands''my eyes' to a robust second round of 'my boobs''my legs''my butt'.

It made me wonder how different things would be if we openly started honouring ourselves instead of putting ourselves down.

Once I started looking for the evidence that my soft, undefined jawline could be beautiful I started finding it everywhere. That is the beauty of changing your beliefs. It is exactly the same mechanism that occurs when you buy a new car. You start seeing the same car everywhere. Not because they weren't there before but because you have tuned into them.

If you look for evidence that you are beautiful, you will find it. It you look for evidence that you are not beautiful, you will find it. You get to decide what evidence you look for.

This week's practice

This week, I want you to listen to your thoughts and identify any stories about your body that may be stored in the suitcase of your subconscious.

Stories like mine that you have been dragging around with you. They often start with:

'I wish I had...' 'I hate my…' 'Why can’t I just have…'

When you identify one, sit with it. Then gently start questioning it. Is it really true? Look for evidence that suggests otherwise.

Your body, your face, your whole physicality is a beautiful expression of you. You can decide to start honouring it, one part at a time. I'll start...

I love my soft, undefined jawline.

Julie x