Your style's greatest enemy.

Last winter I was getting ready for work when I thought I'd experiment with a new outfit. I had a jacket that was a soft yet structured cross between a military jacket and one you may see in a marching band. Cropped at the front with long tails at the back and big silver buttons. I paired it with soft tailored pants that tapered at the ankle and big, chunky, black lug boots. I felt incredible. Powerful. Fabulous. That feeling lasted the entire day.

Several weeks later, I decided to wear the ensemble again. The memory of how good I felt was still alive in my mind. When I put it on and looked in the mirror, I was shocked. I felt silly, costume-y, wrong.

What happened?

What had turned my fabulous outfit from warrior woman to toy soldier? Why did I suddenly feel like a bad actor in a C-grade movie?

Have you heard of the flow state?

The flow state is that intoxicating feeling of complete absorption, where self consciousness dissolves, time perception shifts, and you are entirely at one with your activity.

Self consciousness is the opposite.

It occurs when you become hyper-aware of how you're being perceived. Every detail, every movement, every choice evaluated against an invisible standard.

Do they approve?

It's the feeling that everyone is looking, everyone is judging. When it comes to your wardrobe, it is the feeling that has you reaching for the same, safe outfits every single morning.

Self consciousness kills your style.

But the question isn't how to eliminate self consciousness, it's how to understand what it is telling you. It could be one of two things:

You have a knowledge gap.

Self consciousness can occur when you don't have the the specific knowledge you need to trust your choices. You don't know which colours honour you. You don't know which silhouettes celebrate your body. You don't know how to bring your own unique energy into your outfits.

Without that knowledge, self consciousness will assert itself over your wardrobe.

You are seeking approval.

Self consciousness can present itself when you've stopped trusting yourself and started scanning for permission instead. It sounds like:

Is this too much? Am I trying too hard? Is this flattering? Is this age appropriate? Can I pull this off?

That's not a knowledge gap, that's self trust being dismantled in real time.

Self consciousness feels the same on the inside, but what it's telling you specifically, determines how you respond.

A knowledge gap requires you to learn.

Seeking approval requires you to return to your own authority.

I was in the flow state when I created my warrior woman outfit. I powered down the street that day with the confidence of Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2.

But somewhere in the preceding weeks, self consciousness dismantled my self trust. Warrior woman was replaced with something far safer.

It wasn't the outfit that had changed, it was the permission I gave and then took away from myself.

The first time I wore it from my own authority. The second time I started scanning for approval.

And the moment approval seeking takes over, the outfit stops being yours and becomes a performance. A performance for an invisble audience that you believe are evaluating you.

This week when you get dressed, I want you to identify the moment self consciousness arises.

When it does, look in the mirror and ask yourself 'Is this outfit fabulous?'

If the answer is yes, you are in the approval trap.

You already have the knowledge. The outfit is right and you know it. Stand in your own authority and give yourself permission to wear it.

If the answer is 'I don't know' or 'No', it's a knowledge gap.

Notice without judgment what the gap might be. Is it colour? Do you reach for the same safe palette because you don't know which colours celebrate you?

Is it silhouette? Do you default to the same shapes because you don't yet understand which ones honour your body and why?

Is it energy? Do you struggle to bring your personality into your clothes because you haven't yet identified what your aesthetic actually is?

Whatever the gap may be, identify it. Because naming it is the first step toward closing it.

I didn't wear my fabulous outfit again, but now I understand what happened, and that changes everything.

When winter arrives I'll be ready, not because self consciousness will magically disappear, but because I'll understand what it's telling me.

Julie x