Question:
My weight has increased and my body has changed. It happened as a result of an ongoing injury, so I'm not certain how long I will be at this weight or if it may actually be permanent. How do I identify with and dress my new body shape? I'm frustrated and bored that half my wardrobe doesn't work for me at present. Do I buy new pieces to tide me over?
Love note:
Awareness of changes in weight or body shape can feel sudden and jarring. Regardless of whether the change is brought about by stress, hormones, injury, illness or any other reason (including happier ones) it's confronting when the body you have known and dressed for so long changes.
Your new body shape can feel alien. It can shift the way you see yourself.
Judgement sets in.
Resistance digs in.
The very unglamorous truth is that our body is a biological structure. A weird and wonderful meat suit that houses our being. It can be oozy, sweaty and smelly, it can be beautiful, pleasurable and joyful to be in. One thing we can absolutely count on, is that our bodies will change. That is the nature of biology.
Your body has changed and it will change again, but you won't go back. That is impossible, as we are always moving forward. Holding on to a past version of yourself is like swimming against the current. It will only exhaust you.
If you release the resistance and let the current carry you, you allow your new self to invite you on a glorious adventure. What does she have to teach you? To show you? To tell you? What would happen if you welcomed her in?
The body that was lighter, younger, fitter or more able is not more worthy than the one that holds you now, although this is what western culture will have us believe. Resisting your body sends the message that you are not worthy as you are and that you need to look a certain way in order feel good about yourself.
Your weight and your body will ebb and flow continually throughout your life. Your size and shape will change as sure as the tide flows in and out. You don't have to force yourself to stay a certain size. A change in size, whether up or down, is neither a moral failing nor a virtuous accomplishment. It is the ebb and flow of life.
So, here are my top three tips for navigating a change in weight and body shape:
1. Grieve
Don't rush and try to solve it immediately. Allow yourself to grieve the body you once had. Regardless of what happens with your weight, whether it goes up or down, think of change as moving in to who you are now, not as going back to who you were then.
Grieve the clothes you may have to say goodbye to. It can be disheartening to open your wardrobe and find that many of your favourite pieces no longer fit. The ones that made you feel beautiful and powerful, unable to be enjoyed as they once were. Take your time to pack them up and store them, or, if it feels right, find them new homes. Doing this creates mental and emotional space for the new version of you to emerge.
2. Accept + embrace
Don't rush out and buy a bunch of new things. Just as you wouldn't wouldn't ask someone to marry you on a first date, don't rush to dress your new self without getting to know her first.
Approach your new shape with love and curiosity. What does she want to wear? Take this opportunity to shake up your style. How do you want to feel and what pieces would help with that?
If you find yourself gravitating to looks that worked for your body before but no longer do, use it as an opportunity to get creative and to think in new ways. Start a mood board, go people watching, get inspired. Embrace the creative possibilities that this new chapter brings.
If you need to buy some bridging pieces to tide you over, think about where you spend most of your time and what outfits you need for that purpose. Aim to replace the really versatile pieces. For events, consider borrowing or renting until you feel confident with your new shape.
3. Rejoice + revel
It is a truly rebellious act to love your body in a culture that wants you to hate it. What would happen if you decided to love the way you looked right now? How would you feel? Free? Peaceful? Creative? Sexy? Beautiful? How can you start stepping into those feelings now?
As you navigate the waves of emotion that your new body brings up, try to remember that change is our only constant. By releasing resistance and embracing the present moment, you open yourself up to beautiful possibilities you otherwise wouldn't see. You deserve to feel free, you deserve to feel beautiful. You deserve to feel these things whatever form your body takes.
Julie x