The cost of playing it safe with your style.

I currently have a stunning Stine Goya dress sitting in my wardrobe. A gorgeous iridescent piece with giant puffed sleeves that would make Anne of Green Gables green with envy. I adore it.

Yet it has been hanging there like a beautiful shimmering ghost for two years, unworn.

I still remember the moment I tried it on, the giddy rush of excitement I felt when I looked in the mirror. I felt fabulous.

So why haven't I worn it?

I have noticed a pattern in myself and in the women I have worked with over the years, that the clothes we love and admire (and perhaps even buy) are different to the clothes we actually wear.

We often don't wear the clothes we truly love.

A couple of years ago, I bought myself the most stunning vintage Easton Pearson skirt. Whenever I look at it I can't help but smile. But the first time I wore it I was absolutely terrified.

I was scared I would look too different, that I would stand out too much. I was scared of what other people would think. Who does she think she is?

But nothing happened when I wore the skirt, except several joyful twirls and a few beautiful compliments. It felt so fun and liberating.

So why do we let our fear stop us from joyfully twirling around town in the pieces we love? The ones we think are too much, too dressy, too different and too fabulous for...just us.

Chipping away at our authentic self expression is a little voice that says 'It's not safe to be seen'. 'It's not safe to be different'. So we reach for the pieces that make us feel safe.

The ones that don't stand out. The ones that say 'Don't look too closely'.

We walk our well trodden style path, avoiding the pieces that make us light up like a child on Christmas day. But in hiding, something is sacrificed. That something is YOU.

I have realised that staying safe in my style isn't protecting me from other people's opinions, it's inhibiting the expression of my authentic self. It's dimming the light that glows with excitement when I find an outfit I truly love. 

Unlike the safer pieces in my wardrobe, the Stine Goya dress and the Easton Pearson skirt, ask something of me. They ask me to stop hiding, to stop questioning if it's too much. To stop behaving as though there are fashion police waiting to hand out infringements to any woman who has the audacity to be seen.

They ask me to let go of the fear of judgement or perhaps to deliberately climb out of it.

So I started to think of every outfit as a building block, taking me one step closer towards my most authentic self. 

Whenever I feel myself gravitate towards my safe outfits, I pause and ask myself 'Does this really represent who I am?' 'Does this excite me or scare me just a tiny bit?'. 

As you slowly step in to each outfit, pushing yourself a little bit each time, the momentum picks up. What was once scary becomes natural, becomes you. 

Another great exercise is to have a north star, a guiding light, someone who is fearless in their expression. Someone you can think about when you feel yourself shrinking down, playing small, playing it safe.

For me it is Vivienne Westwood. When I think about her vision, her expression, her authenticity, her style, it's hard to feel scared and easy to feel inspired. Whoever you choose as your beacon, let them show you the way. 

If you find yourself having creepy crawly thoughts like 'I can't be bothered' 'Who is going to see me anyway?' 'Does it really matter?' etc. I want you to take notice. These thoughts are habitual and keep us stuck. There is only one person who's opinion matters and that is yours. You deserve to wear the things that make you twirl and dance and light up with joy.  

My Stine Goya dress still feels a little scary. That version of me feels just out of reach. That iridescent butterfly that wouldn't blink twice at a giant puffed sleeve. But I am determined to keep inching forward because she is fierce and fabulous and I can't wait to meet her.

Julie x