Am I still cool?

There was a moment in my 40's when I looked in the mirror and realised my outfit no longer made me look cool. The vintage dresses I loved wearing suddenly turned on me, and now I was the one that looked vintage.

The outfits that once made me feel myself, now had me falling into a frumpy abyss. Something had changed, the equilibrium had been disrupted.

The change felt sudden and de stabalising. Nothing in my wardrobe felt right and I had no idea how it came to be that way.

My style felt like a puzzle full of pieces I didn't have.

I started to question each outfit 'Is this trying too hard?','Can I pull this off?' 'Is this age appropriate?'

I didn't know who I was anymore. I was lost at style sea.

It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that a version of me had gone.

The woman who wore those vintage dresses with authority, who got dressed without thinking too hard, whose wardrobe made sense, had left quietly without me realising.

The midlife shift is real.

The version of you that is emerging is someone you haven't fully met yet, and when you don't know who you are, you look outside yourself for answers, for direction.

This is fertile ground for the trend machine. It is there, ready and waiting to sell you a new version of yourself every season.

Trends are sold to you as guidance. Every season something cooler, more polished, more current. But they are all built on the same premise, that you need managing, correcting and updating.

A subscription service for insecurity.

But you are not software, you are a person. A feeling, thinking, person.

Trends cannot tell you who you are, they can only tell you what is currently approved. And currently approved has nothing to do with the woman you are becoming.

You cannot find yourself in a trend.

You have to look within, and that requires something the fashion industry can never sell you.

Getting to know the new me took time and a lot of patience. I had to say goodbye to a part of myself I was very attached to. There was also a fear of the unknown - will I ever look cool again? Or am I on a fast train to frumpy town?

As I relaxed more and more into acceptance of my new reality, I discovered something exciting. The new me was pretty cool. Not in the way you want to be when you are young, in the way you can only be when you're older.

Looking and feeling cool in your clothes begins with understanding.

Not understanding what's trending, understanding yourself. Not the woman you were, not the woman the system decided you should be, the woman you are right now.

This requires you to look honestly at what has changed. Your body, your values, your priorities, your relationship with yourself. The midlife shift is not just physical, it's emotional. It is an identity shift.

It takes time to accept this new version of you. It requires you to release the woman you were, her body, her wardrobe, her way of moving through the world, without knowing exactly who is emerging on the other side.

That takes courage, patience and a willingness to sit in the uncertainty without reaching for the nearest trend to make you feel relevant.

If you are willing to do that, you will find something beautiful.

Yourself.

Not a corrected version, not an updated version, not an age appropriate version, just cool old you.

And that is when the fun really starts.

There are many wonderful things that our younger selves were, but I have learned that there are a lot of things young people can't be.

Stylish.

Elegant.

Glamorous.

And cool. Yes cool.

I have realised that when you are young, cool is always something you're trying to be. Midlife is when you actually get to be it.

This week I want you to try on a new thought.

Think about the things you would say to your younger self with everything you now know.

You are so gorgeous.

You are so powerful.

You are so talented.

Don't play small.

Carve your own path.

Don't follow the crowd.

Now I want you to take all of that advice because it belongs to you now. Your younger self didn't have the knowledge, the experience, or the perspective to understand how truly amazing she was, but you have the capacity to see that in yourself now.

Style has never been about youth. It has always been about knowing yourself. And knowing yourself takes time, experience and courage.

Midlife is not a loss, it's an arrival.

It's time to own the qualities you have earned with experience and show your younger self the true meaning of cool.

Julie x